where all the ans are ...

In continuation to earlier post “An Elegant Emotion - My Love Story !”.

Sitting at home, alone, on a Sunday morning watching DD1-Chitrahar, Wednesday evening watching ‘Foodie show’, walking around that old crowded lane of Chinese food & desi GOLGAPPE THELE (carts/shops) … when you experience these and other reminders –  tells U that U R still NOT unattached; though it’s quite natural.

Fact is today also I miss U a lot… today also I Love U a lot … today also I’m alone with a great feeling of your love !!

Am not sure if you can get a chance to read this or I can get a chance to prove myself. I'll not get into “theory of thin slices” – we have a big bite to have. I keep happy those people who I want to be happy – so let me open the locked door… my answer to ur ‘??’.

Essentially, I didn’t have any alternate way out other than ‘hiding myself’. I assumed that love ripens with age.. especially with bad situations they encounter. I do know [look], [height], [health], [money], [color], [caste], [priority], [name] etc. has NO role to play in LOVE.  Believe me – You are THE BEST girl I have ever met in my life. At the same time, this is also true that the GUY you have met is not ruthless who can disregard U or ur feelings. He respects your love, emotions, character, attitude, beauty, patience ….everything !

It’s unfortunate that he could not get you in his life. One big  space / void created and will remain forever.

Still remember your words …

Some girls make great girlfriends. But they're just not good enough for marriage,  am I one of them? You don't have the balls to stand up for? What does a guy really mean when he breaks up with you ...but says, that he still loves you and always will?

If he means what he's saying.. Why would he break up with you in the first place?

Is it just a way of making you feel better about being dumped?

It means “there is still a (faint) possibility that he may come back :-)” - though I didn’t reply … I wanted to make U realize this.

I feel honored when U say “Difficult to understand men – BUT  U R not among them”. You know why ? Because what began as a ‘relationship’ turned into a ‘passion’ – an honest & TRUE response.

There have been times in our life, when we faced with such questions than we had answers to. And the wisdom lies in exploring the self and the surroundings… because that’s where all the answers are.

Why ‘Fight’ despite high intensity of love between us? Intense to tensed – is quite likely/obvious/natural… may be a form of demand as well.

What? “Why did we get separated?” To retain that thrill, obsession, ardor, fury we have between us. Easy to keep relationship with somebody who is far away - not who is close to you. Don’t know how the HELL look like – BUT certainly I know what the HEAVEN is while we are together. I can still sink into UR dimples !

I still don’t have answer to one of your questions “What type of relationship we have(had)?” – Am I wrong if I say “ I never asked for more than your love ..so you”. U & I – a beautiful world.

There is nothing more rewarding for me than the experience of watching a girl finally obtain her hearts desire :-) …says “How can I get U back?” Desperate attempt to get her love back… There is more to life than a boy/girl (- but without partner?). Famous dialogue from movie ‘turing 30’ - the solution to break-up is a hair cut & may be motherhood is your true calling :-)

Everyone grows up with fairy tales. Imagining magic wand & happy endings. Some dreams are just illusions. So get into an action. Marry a rich, smart, eligible guy and create waves in the world.. in ur LIFE. Pretty clear cut and simple i'ld say.

Well I've always said it's about a journey...so I am travelling (don’t know with whom?). As a matter of fact - yes i am… with my job ! Cheers to that ! That pretty much sums up my life. I still haven't quite "made it". Its not that ex-girl friends are irresitabler… its not dare for pole dancing with my cloths off.. Lets get technical - switch ON and OFF. Don't hang around - rebounce and move on.

I am not giving U lessons in moral science. Can I turn back the clock and rewrite the ending? Can I announce that I’m still ‘single’? Answer is ‘NO’ & I know U support it.

I am still in the past ...

I am still in the past..

writing for my life
and waiting for my life.

"You changed his life"
her eyes going moist: "No, he changed mine"

u were never alone

was all around you..forever(?)

found my sneakers loosening
u tightened them up
those were old... right time to let them go
just like everything else ?

veerzara to ghulam ali
saregama to rangoli
loved to sing songs for u
never allowed kishore or sonu to impress u
hey u there ? I can still sing for u…

we feel the pain, we inflict the pain
we have made promises, we have wrecked promises
we are the predators and we are the victims
u know – we are alike?

pillows out of place
blanket half on the bed & half on the floor.
room has never looked messy
as it used to be yours.
oh.. give them back to me
all in the right order.
too much ?

u hear the raindrops falling on ?
i feel like ALONE ..

I am still in the past... you left me there... want to be there... want to be with 'U'.

… that makes one COMPLETE !

16th of Jan'11, evening 7PM, she (my bhabi jee) was shouting like anything - it was a distinct sign of labor pain. Come close to me … call the doctor … I need your help – she was getting impatient (quite obvious though). Being a doctor my brother was pretending to be very normal. He was there to support her, not to wonder or weep; so he corked up his feelings;  amazing attitude.

Next day morning; all was hurry, edgy and exciting. The hospital corridor was full of glowing of humanity; the walls were lined with rows of families-N-friends, the sound of many feet and voices made that usually quiet morning hour as noisy as noon; and making of the hospital a home J !

In the midst of it all, the matron's smiley face brought relief to all of us and the cheery words welcomed by all.

There they were ! Finally it paid off – they blessed with a second child – a baby BOY !!

How can I forget the stages she (bhabi jee) has gone through last couple of years. 'I wish I shouldn't have written this' - but I guess there's no point regretting anything either. Though it's in the past and not something to talk about now; BUT - "I just wanted to make a beautiful thing, a nice thing that she can listen to and feel good".

Trisha (niece) was equally attentive towards her pregnant mom and excited to see her sibling. Now she has an equal with whom she can play and show her elderliness.

This is not a situation of “guarding woman's form or fortifying the womb”. This has ACTUALLY made their family A COMPLTE FAMILY !! Small and Happy !! Now they have 2 children – an elder daughter and a younger son.

Edging out word ‘completeness’ - the statistics are startling. There are many forms of life where we look for the “completeness”.

HOW do we look at the situations like …

* “The single life !” - An ‘woman’ without man or vice-versa …?

* An unsuccessful marriage …?

* An womb that can't fertilize …? (Will ‘Adoption’ bring in the completeness?)

* Academic Degree that can’t be capitalized …  

* Failed to ‘Pay back / indebted to Parenting’ …

* A relationship without a ‘Name’… [Failed to convert ‘love’ into marriage…?]

* A ‘company’ that you can’t enjoy …

* Packing up of ‘Faithfulness’ towards your well-wisher…?

The list is long and end-less…

So a question strikes to my mind – “What makes life meaningful ? - simply living it or making it a complete one?”.

Need reason / time for resolution... for change?

Ah, yes - another New Year has come. How can we forget ‘new year’s resolution’? It's a tradition that invokes everything from resignation to reorganization (?) and has the power to launch feelings of responsibility, success, and brightness humor in a flash.

BUT – do we really need to wait till a new year to come to bring in changes in our life … something good to happen in our life ?

I guess I am not wrong, if I translate “Happy New Year” into “Have a nice day * 365” ? So every day is a new day & each day counts; rather every minute & every moment counts.

Though I’m not entitled to comment on astrological viewpoints – I guess, star positions are also not linked to year change (1:1:xxxx).

I agree, any change in environment (may be *just* the number 2010 -> 2011) seeds a new thought in our mind and we should enjoy/exploit the freshness of this change ! Let’s go by this ‘good excuse to move-on’ and uphold this strive for a long, at least till next year to start.

Simply put, if our lives, thoughts and actions are conducive to produce a particular result, we would certainly produce it, especially if it is important to us.

Let’s try to live a simple, sincere and serene life… repel every thought of discontent, anxiety, discouragement…“The wise man knows the means to certain good ends; and secondly, he knows how much particular ends are worth!”.