Story Telling...

9:42PM 18th Feb 2012

She: hello again J

Chitaranjan: hey... hi seems quite busy day..

She: yah! but finishing off pending wrks J.. jst reached delhi is full of traffic ...

Chitaranjan: yeah..i knw u stay in delhi or noida?

She: rikshaw b beech sadak pe chalte hai.. horn maarte raho bande bhi gaadiyo k aage i chalte hai at some places :P ..

Chitaranjan: J thy make ur life challenging; even on roads..

She: yes J WEST delhi..

Chitaranjan: ok i used to stay in RK Puram waise i enjoyed delhi lyf..

She: waise toh i also love this place i love the BHEED actually. J but its good to cribble also K ..

Chitaranjan: hmm.. so u happy ;-) look at me ... not at all often i feel like helpless.. screaming ...shouting.. L

She: SHOUT m listening ;-).. yes ...jor se ..

Chitaranjan: to vent out frustrations..

She: do it J

Chitaranjan: baas ! rehne do u hv come frm tht bheed bhad no more ...

She: nahi wo bheed to muje sunti hi ni m lost...

Chitaranjan: hehehe

She: wht about dinner?

Chitaranjan: hmm ..don't knw.. habbit of skipping L

She: thts not gud to get used to such things..

Chitaranjan: don’t knw gud or bad..

She: At least i dnt feel that one shud b..

Chitaranjan: agree .. but no choice

She: v make choices..

Chitaranjan: anyways let me make some arrangements wait..

She: thats gud.. np..

AFTER 10 Minutes…

Chitaranjan: yes, had something J happy?

She: yup now, u complete ur turn then i'll tell u something to support my comment

Chitaranjan: my turn?..

She: yeah in our last chat i told u few of my incidents its ur turn now..

Chitaranjan: oh i see..

She: n i dnt mind if urs are not as interesting as mine ;-)..

Chitaranjan: let me evoke.. ring a bell //

She: tk ur tym..

Chitaranjan: okie …. now i m under pressure hmm…….. real pressure J..

She: :D our true self comes out wen v wrk under pressure ;-)..

Chitaranjan: hmmm.. ur story was more genuine.. reflecting ur natural behavior..

She: hmmm..

Chitaranjan: let me share something in the similar line tht reflects me …

She: i believe everyone has some natural behavior.. yea, its jst that I hv some impressions about u… rest will b made wen u tel me abt urself J

Chitaranjan: ok J

She: yes u can proceed J..

Chitaranjan: ok let me tell u a very recent incident..

She: Yes

Chitaranjan: a story of yesterday don’t knw u wld like ths or not anyways ... i was having a bad day yesterday..

She: i like anything/everything :P remember always J..

Chitaranjan: ok baba.. J so wht I was saying.. yes - a very bad day.. was very upset went to a coffee shop..

She: so wat bad waise?

Chitaranjan: shall tell u later ..let me complete the story

She: ok..

Chitaranjan: ok i ordered a sandwich & a cup of coffee

She: k..

Chitaranjan: a girl back in the counter.. was making sandwich..

She: k..

Chitaranjan: somehow I felt like.. she was also looked very down..clumsy .. like me

She: ok

Chitaranjan: u knw mayonaise ?..

She: ya..

Chitaranjan: it was spilling over..

She: ok..

Chitaranjan: i cld understand her state of mind

She: ok..

Chitaranjan: cldn't stop myself with lot of guts went to her & said 'we all hv days like ths ..its ok' she looked at me..

She: k..

Chitaranjan: thn I said u knw - “u’ve got a FACE for smile”.. hmmm... thn she smiled J

She: so sweet..

Chitaranjan: and thn i also smiled..

She: lovely..

Chitaranjan: she reciprocated with ‘hey young man ! u also hv got a good smile'

She: then?..

Chitaranjan: i said “tnx .. tomorrow it will be a better one J”

She: tht was gr8 dialog..

Chitaranjan: J yes i knw.. thn i could see an expression in her face tht was willing to describe something.. it was indeed worth noticing..

She: and a moment worth cherishing..

Chitaranjan: yes - now she opened up and passed a better smile J

Chitaranjan: i waited for few minutes she served me sandwich and while handing over to me she said “tnx .. it was indeed needed..”

She: how sweet..

Chitaranjan: thn i left tht place - not sure if i'll get a chance to go thr even if i go - not sure if i can meet her again..

She: hmmm ths happens..

Chitaranjan: even if i meet her - not sure she will recognize me..

She: hmm..

Chitaranjan: but YES I realized that “we get distracted easily by others ..also fact is, sometimes in order to heal urself u need to reach out to someone else..." ths is how I can summarize ths story ths is wht i hv posted today in my FB ..not sure how many could relate to ths J

… … … and the chat continued…

Beautiful Sadness..

Someone left the _cake_ out in the rain,

I'ld never have that _recipe_ again.

Didn’t know why _good_ is so bad,

It would end up with so sad.

Silent _night_, Deadly _sight_,
And life is facing a BIG _fight_.

It’s all not gone, but it’s not done.
I wonder if I can dream _alone_.

Who will write _poem_ to nurture?
How shall I  face the _future_?

One way is with apprehension,

The other is with anticipation.

Yes I’ve hit that _low_ for sure,

But I can’t _allow_ it to endure.

I can either _fall_ in shame,

Or I can _bounce back_ again.

BUT indeed -
I want to _dance_ … before I die,
I wld prefer to _die_ ... before I lie.

SILENCE !

It is 02:07am & I'm wide awake. I can't sing the song of Rachel green - The Morning is Here ..The Morning is Here... Sunshine is Here. It's not the morning – rather a deep night. The world has settled down, the human beings have calmed themselves for a few hours, and of course the nature is running its course. I am still awake; not sometimes; unusually usual. I lose grip on the equilibrium of my life and I get a sleepless night here and there.

An unfinished poem, an unfinished novel or an unfinished symphony can never have the aesthetic status of completed works of music, art or literature.

The same applies to individual human life. A human life cannot attain its full meaning until it is complete. Everything seeks purpose and meaning.

An expression (may through email/SMS/post card..) is always complemented by an expression (if reciprocated).

But - SILENCE ?  A Call/Conversation ended up with bad note? - actually kills from inside.

Perhaps that's why I am awake. I am so scared to fall asleep. So scared to really let me take where it will.  

"If you don't do this, I'll not give you candy anymore". And there it is. It is pure, it is simple, and it is being enacted right before me. The laws that govern the "little"; not the “grownups”.


[---------O<--------
So far, I have been on one end of the spectrum - not being the quiet listener but the one with the lump in the throat.

NOW - I want to listen. I'ld love to listen. Believe me, you won't be able to connect with someone (even if you spend day and night with them) the way you do in that one moment of expression/confession, one moment with trembling lips and wet eyes — in that one moment of trust.

And it is almost always about that ONE moment… if it passes, it would not come back. If you are distracted, you wouldn’t hear it again. Sometimes, just missing that one moment keeps us at a distance from the person we love for the rest of our lives.
-------->O----------]

Life should move on !

Was all alone the entire day, waiting for an intervention. I knew I
won't have anyone to help me to get through; but it was hard to believe.

Yes - you rightly said, life should move on. Why to wake up crying in
the midnight.. why to wait for a call.. why to blame the fate or
OTHERS.

You suggested to start a new habit to get engaged & divert the
attention. Yes, I attempted today. To be able to move on, I started to
learn to forgive & forget not only the person (or people) but also to
the situations.

I know this turbulence will come to an end; and if not, then this is
not the end of my life.

'Dream' - it is a magical memory that unites fantasy and reality; why
can't a LIFE be like a dream?

Like it or not - It's My VOCAL Cord !

where all the ans are ...

In continuation to earlier post “An Elegant Emotion - My Love Story !”.

Sitting at home, alone, on a Sunday morning watching DD1-Chitrahar, Wednesday evening watching ‘Foodie show’, walking around that old crowded lane of Chinese food & desi GOLGAPPE THELE (carts/shops) … when you experience these and other reminders –  tells U that U R still NOT unattached; though it’s quite natural.

Fact is today also I miss U a lot… today also I Love U a lot … today also I’m alone with a great feeling of your love !!

Am not sure if you can get a chance to read this or I can get a chance to prove myself. I'll not get into “theory of thin slices” – we have a big bite to have. I keep happy those people who I want to be happy – so let me open the locked door… my answer to ur ‘??’.

Essentially, I didn’t have any alternate way out other than ‘hiding myself’. I assumed that love ripens with age.. especially with bad situations they encounter. I do know [look], [height], [health], [money], [color], [caste], [priority], [name] etc. has NO role to play in LOVE.  Believe me – You are THE BEST girl I have ever met in my life. At the same time, this is also true that the GUY you have met is not ruthless who can disregard U or ur feelings. He respects your love, emotions, character, attitude, beauty, patience ….everything !

It’s unfortunate that he could not get you in his life. One big  space / void created and will remain forever.

Still remember your words …

Some girls make great girlfriends. But they're just not good enough for marriage,  am I one of them? You don't have the balls to stand up for? What does a guy really mean when he breaks up with you ...but says, that he still loves you and always will?

If he means what he's saying.. Why would he break up with you in the first place?

Is it just a way of making you feel better about being dumped?

It means “there is still a (faint) possibility that he may come back :-)” - though I didn’t reply … I wanted to make U realize this.

I feel honored when U say “Difficult to understand men – BUT  U R not among them”. You know why ? Because what began as a ‘relationship’ turned into a ‘passion’ – an honest & TRUE response.

There have been times in our life, when we faced with such questions than we had answers to. And the wisdom lies in exploring the self and the surroundings… because that’s where all the answers are.

Why ‘Fight’ despite high intensity of love between us? Intense to tensed – is quite likely/obvious/natural… may be a form of demand as well.

What? “Why did we get separated?” To retain that thrill, obsession, ardor, fury we have between us. Easy to keep relationship with somebody who is far away - not who is close to you. Don’t know how the HELL look like – BUT certainly I know what the HEAVEN is while we are together. I can still sink into UR dimples !

I still don’t have answer to one of your questions “What type of relationship we have(had)?” – Am I wrong if I say “ I never asked for more than your love ..so you”. U & I – a beautiful world.

There is nothing more rewarding for me than the experience of watching a girl finally obtain her hearts desire :-) …says “How can I get U back?” Desperate attempt to get her love back… There is more to life than a boy/girl (- but without partner?). Famous dialogue from movie ‘turing 30’ - the solution to break-up is a hair cut & may be motherhood is your true calling :-)

Everyone grows up with fairy tales. Imagining magic wand & happy endings. Some dreams are just illusions. So get into an action. Marry a rich, smart, eligible guy and create waves in the world.. in ur LIFE. Pretty clear cut and simple i'ld say.

Well I've always said it's about a journey...so I am travelling (don’t know with whom?). As a matter of fact - yes i am… with my job ! Cheers to that ! That pretty much sums up my life. I still haven't quite "made it". Its not that ex-girl friends are irresitabler… its not dare for pole dancing with my cloths off.. Lets get technical - switch ON and OFF. Don't hang around - rebounce and move on.

I am not giving U lessons in moral science. Can I turn back the clock and rewrite the ending? Can I announce that I’m still ‘single’? Answer is ‘NO’ & I know U support it.

I am still in the past ...

I am still in the past..

writing for my life
and waiting for my life.

"You changed his life"
her eyes going moist: "No, he changed mine"

u were never alone

was all around you..forever(?)

found my sneakers loosening
u tightened them up
those were old... right time to let them go
just like everything else ?

veerzara to ghulam ali
saregama to rangoli
loved to sing songs for u
never allowed kishore or sonu to impress u
hey u there ? I can still sing for u…

we feel the pain, we inflict the pain
we have made promises, we have wrecked promises
we are the predators and we are the victims
u know – we are alike?

pillows out of place
blanket half on the bed & half on the floor.
room has never looked messy
as it used to be yours.
oh.. give them back to me
all in the right order.
too much ?

u hear the raindrops falling on ?
i feel like ALONE ..

I am still in the past... you left me there... want to be there... want to be with 'U'.

… that makes one COMPLETE !

16th of Jan'11, evening 7PM, she (my bhabi jee) was shouting like anything - it was a distinct sign of labor pain. Come close to me … call the doctor … I need your help – she was getting impatient (quite obvious though). Being a doctor my brother was pretending to be very normal. He was there to support her, not to wonder or weep; so he corked up his feelings;  amazing attitude.

Next day morning; all was hurry, edgy and exciting. The hospital corridor was full of glowing of humanity; the walls were lined with rows of families-N-friends, the sound of many feet and voices made that usually quiet morning hour as noisy as noon; and making of the hospital a home J !

In the midst of it all, the matron's smiley face brought relief to all of us and the cheery words welcomed by all.

There they were ! Finally it paid off – they blessed with a second child – a baby BOY !!

How can I forget the stages she (bhabi jee) has gone through last couple of years. 'I wish I shouldn't have written this' - but I guess there's no point regretting anything either. Though it's in the past and not something to talk about now; BUT - "I just wanted to make a beautiful thing, a nice thing that she can listen to and feel good".

Trisha (niece) was equally attentive towards her pregnant mom and excited to see her sibling. Now she has an equal with whom she can play and show her elderliness.

This is not a situation of “guarding woman's form or fortifying the womb”. This has ACTUALLY made their family A COMPLTE FAMILY !! Small and Happy !! Now they have 2 children – an elder daughter and a younger son.

Edging out word ‘completeness’ - the statistics are startling. There are many forms of life where we look for the “completeness”.

HOW do we look at the situations like …

* “The single life !” - An ‘woman’ without man or vice-versa …?

* An unsuccessful marriage …?

* An womb that can't fertilize …? (Will ‘Adoption’ bring in the completeness?)

* Academic Degree that can’t be capitalized …  

* Failed to ‘Pay back / indebted to Parenting’ …

* A relationship without a ‘Name’… [Failed to convert ‘love’ into marriage…?]

* A ‘company’ that you can’t enjoy …

* Packing up of ‘Faithfulness’ towards your well-wisher…?

The list is long and end-less…

So a question strikes to my mind – “What makes life meaningful ? - simply living it or making it a complete one?”.

Need reason / time for resolution... for change?

Ah, yes - another New Year has come. How can we forget ‘new year’s resolution’? It's a tradition that invokes everything from resignation to reorganization (?) and has the power to launch feelings of responsibility, success, and brightness humor in a flash.

BUT – do we really need to wait till a new year to come to bring in changes in our life … something good to happen in our life ?

I guess I am not wrong, if I translate “Happy New Year” into “Have a nice day * 365” ? So every day is a new day & each day counts; rather every minute & every moment counts.

Though I’m not entitled to comment on astrological viewpoints – I guess, star positions are also not linked to year change (1:1:xxxx).

I agree, any change in environment (may be *just* the number 2010 -> 2011) seeds a new thought in our mind and we should enjoy/exploit the freshness of this change ! Let’s go by this ‘good excuse to move-on’ and uphold this strive for a long, at least till next year to start.

Simply put, if our lives, thoughts and actions are conducive to produce a particular result, we would certainly produce it, especially if it is important to us.

Let’s try to live a simple, sincere and serene life… repel every thought of discontent, anxiety, discouragement…“The wise man knows the means to certain good ends; and secondly, he knows how much particular ends are worth!”.